After being annoyed with my slow computer enough to complain loudly about it but not enough to fork over the money to buy a new one, my parents decided to get me a new computer as a birthday present. While I probably should have been mortified that after a decade since graduating high school my parents are still helping me with major purchases thereby calling into question this whole "financial independence" thing, I had something bigger to be mortified at.
Did they know I was going to be using this computer to watch porn?
Now, I am not an internet porn queen. I don't think I would even qualify as "aficionado." I hadn't even watched any recently as my old computer couldn't stream video, and while my work computer could I steered clear of one helluva awkward conversation with my boss.
My old computer did everything else just fine. So my primary reason for wanting a new computer? To watch porn. And my parents just enabled me to do that. Ew.
I resolved to not watch porn on my new computer for a little bit, at least until after the stage where my parents ask, "How is your new computer working? It's so shiny! Can I see it?" With my luck they'd go to open up microsoft word and clippy would pop up and say, "I see that you like porn. Would you like some tips for writing a letter about porn?"
Yeah. That resolve to not watch porn for awhile? Lasted two days.
I had to see what I was missing! Apparently what I was missing was looking at my parents the next day and thinking, "They know. Somehow, they just know."
Here's the bizarre thing: they have met previous significant others of mine. I have brought some of these significant others home. They never questioned why we went to bed early, and with this unspoken policy I have felt completely comfortable. Why do I feel guilty with porn?
Whatever it is, I better get over it, because…dammit, I'm single, I have an internet connection, and a fancy new computer. Porn happens.
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