Conversation I’m most proud of

I wish I could tell you the username of this lad, but to protect the imbecilic, I shall just tell you that his username was a combination of a large animal and slang for penis. So I shall refer to him as Large Animal Penis Man.

First of all, Large Animal Penis Man spammed me:

Re: heyJust hitting you up to see if you are interested? I saw your ad and I am very interested. I am sending you my picture! I am 30 years old, 5'7" tall, 175#, medium build, hazel eyes, shaved head. Hope to hear back from you! XOXO

I found this entire situation amusing, and egged on by friends, I sent this reply:

(Large Animal Penis Man),I'm afraid we wouldn't fit.-MouseTwat

I was pretty proud of that. That may be the best email I’ve ever sent. But alas, it was lost on Large Animal Penis Man:

Okay are you being serious your not interested???

Let’s review, shall we?

1.) Ridiculous username

2.) Spamming

3.) Missed sarcasm

4.) Wrong form of “you’re” (obviously the worst offense)

Yeah...good luck on the dating scene!