This boy I am nicknaming Chip On My Shoulder, for reasons that will become abundantly clear. Chip sent me an instant message, which sent me to his profile. Here is my condensed interpretation of his profile:
About me: I am looking for sex. Who I’m looking for: Someone to have sex with. Interests: Sex. Additional information: I haven’t posted many photos on here because I don’t have any good ones of me, but if you ask me I’ll send you one. Also: sex sex sex sex sex. Sex.
While this is the abridged version, its accuracy has not been compromised. I found myself thinking, “There are people who just need to be messed with.” So I sent my reply:
Hi! Sorry I missed your message. As your profile offers, I would like to see more pictures of you. Naked, if possible.
Sometime thereafter he messaged me, and after the pleasantries were exchanged, told me he thought I was making fun of him when asking for nude pictures, and I turned to the heart of the matter:
Me: So here's my question for you:Chip: uh oh...Me: You live in [er…a place that is not Madison. –Editor]. I do not. You are looking for, as you state repeatedly in your profile, for a sexual relationship (which is fine). But do you expect me to put the time in to travel down to [place that is not Madison –Ed.] to see if I'm sexually attracted to you?He replied that this place that is not Madison is merely an hour away, and then said:
Chip: and even if you do have some distance issue, why be so feral about it?Me: Feral?Chip: I feel kind of.... attacked....Me: Oh! That was not my intention at all! In fact, I am approaching this entirely logically.Chip: oh, ok, I'm sorry! its just... people on here have been extremely mean to me, so I'm kind of on guard. no I get what you're saying, but its just... literally, I cannot find ANYONE in this town. not for sex, friendship, or even to smile at, so I have to look elsewhere though its bloody inconvenientMe: Oh, no worries. In looking for a sexual relationship, one needs to determine if there is attraction there. Given that we live an hour apart, wouldn't the fastest way to see if there is some attraction there is if you send me some pictures of yourself?Chip: I'm sorry to say I don't have any naked pictures... I'm sorry...the other pics I have contain other people which is why I didn't put them up hereMe: You know...most cameras these days have timers. ;-)
Okay…what the hell was I doing? I meant to just poke fun at him to hopefully get him to see how he was coming off to people, but at some point it just turned into me seeing if I could get him to send me a naked picture of himself. Did I start to feel bad for him and now couldn’t backtrack? Did I just want to see how hard it would be to get a guy to send me naked photos? What on earth was I going to do if he DID? Luckily, (or perhaps unluckily, I have no idea what he looks like), this never came to pass. The conversation turned to how he knew he had a nude picture of himself somewhere that he took when another girl had asked for one.
Me: And did it turn out well for you?Chip: sigh, it never does. I mean, not because of the picture, heh. Its been a good long while since anyone has been interested in me, I must admit.Me: Is that why you're primarily looking for sex?Chip: its part of it, yes. I want friendship, too. I just... I've been really burned by people, and I wanted to be totally honest that right now I want to have fun and get to the mindrape laterMe: Mindrape?Chip: sorry. I mean... I've had very bad experiences resultant of 'serious relationships.' I can offer friendship and sex and fun, but not what people seem to want in 'normal' relationships. I really have no money or anything like that... sorry...Me: Um...do you think I charge?Chip: no I mean... argh, I'm getting this all wrong!Me: :-) I like messing with you. You should have more fun with this!Chip: haha, I should be having more fun in general, I think
As attractive as thinking of relationships as “mindrape” is, I had to run, we said our adieus, and we left it at that. I didn’t receive any message from him (and definitely not any photos) and thought I was in the clear. A month or so later, out of the blue, he sent me another instant message:
Chip: hiMe: Oh hey! You! How are you?Chip: heh, yes me. I've been better, I must admit. but how are you?Me: Quite well, thank you. Enjoying a lazy day.Chip: its certainly inert, that's for sureMe: My goodness you are unhappy. Growing dissappointment with the town that you are living in?Chip: oh, its well past grown, actually. I'm not sure what's made me feel worse than usual today, though. maybe its because thanks to that holiday there's been four straight days that have felt like sunday and I can't stand the feeling of sundays. man I'm being swamped with pornbots on this site...Me: Pornbots?Chip: fake, scamming profiles that keep adding me to their list in hopes I'll click on the links they're putting in the profile they're making no effort to even pretend to look real. they're so common I've often thought this site was actually doing it themselves as sort of an under the table thingMe: Huh. Never come across one of those.Chip: its the only attention I ever receive, haha. so what brings you back on here?Me: Entertainment. Excitement. Romance. Stories for my collection. You?Chip: same as always
At this point, something in me snapped. I gave him nothing but optimism, and had he made an effort at cheerfulness I would have happily continued talking to him. Hell, if he wanted to meet me I would have given him a shot. But all I got from him was lazy whining. I wanted him to leave me alone. But the dangerous, self-indulgent part was that I wanted him to know why.
Me: Have you tried not being such of a downer? People might be more apt to respond positively to you.Chip: I've tried every approach. Cheerful, witty, weird, dadaistMe: And how long have you been at this?Chip: this site specifically or trying to meet people in general?Me: This site.Chip: hmm. when did this site start, do you know?Me: No idea.Chip: I'd guess I've been on here for at least five years. I've been trying personals sites online in general for far longer, thoughMe: Well, I have no advice for you. All I know is that you're coming across to me like you're pissed off and that you think the world owes you something. Also, unless you've changed your profile lately, if all you say is that you want sex, don't be surprised that women don't respond.Chip: you're being rude. I shouldn't have messaged youMe: k. bye!Chip: so now I'm going to block you. good day
Wait…did I just get blocked? Somebody blocked me on a dating site! Wow. That has got to be some milestone of some sort. And the beauty is that I got blocked by someone who was the initiator of EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAD. Yup. Better block me. Never know what crazy dangerous thing I’m going to do. Like tell you the truth.
But in the end, I take the responsibility for this. I am not on a dating website to make other people better people, and I am sure that no one wants dating advice from a girl as she is turning them down. If I hadn’t had the urge to mess with him, I would have ignored him like so many of the people on this site that I ignore, which doubtless would have been the better outcome. For both of us.
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