How My Non-Date Was Like a Date

So Friend Boy and I went out for dinner for our non-date, date-like friend auditioning situation. Maybe I just haven’t been in many non-date, date-like friend auditioning situations, but it sure felt like a normal date. For these reasons:

Awkward meeting: First few minutes were date-like awkward. “Is my nervousness showing? Do I have something in my teeth? How the hell did we get on this topic immediately? I don’t want this to be his first impression of me!”

Basic questions: Instead of getting into subjects that are fun to talk about or diving into common interests like I would with a friend, our conversation focused more on the getting-to-know-you stuff. “How long have you lived here? What did you get your degree in? Where do you work? Do you still have all of your fingers and toes?”

Internal monologue: Every five minutes I thought, “Do I like him? Am I having fun? Is he good enough for me? Should I wait another five minutes before I determine this?”

Going dutch: I know this is backwards for most people, but with friends I’m happy if one of us grabs the check and with dates I always go dutch. With friends I know it will eventually come out even. With dates, I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone, even if that obligation is just being nice to them afterward. I made sure Friend Boy and I went dutch.

Constantly looking for dealbreakers: With friends I tend to find commonalities and build from there. On dates I tend to look for potential dealbreakers. Guess which approach I took with Friend Boy. (Hint: I found out he’s not an organ donor. And he doesn’t have a good reason for it. He just hasn’t really thought about it. What the hell? The ability to save someone’s life hasn’t ever been important enough to you to think about? Dammit. I think I just discovered another dealbreaker.)

Here’s the part that sucks about it not being a date: if it had been a date, turning him down for a second date would be much easier. I know that seems counter intuitive, but it’s true. If I turn him down for a second date it could be for all sorts of reasons -- different values, different lifestyles, the fact that he’s a dog and not a cat person, whatever. There are all sorts of reasons for romantic incompatibility, and as such romantic incompatibility is likely not a personal statement on the other person. But an audition to be a friend? If I turn him down, there is no other way to take it other than I don’t like him.

God. I’m just sticking to dates from now on. With organ donors.