A friend of mine has a cute roommate, and he and I always had fun chatting when our paths crossed. But asking him out was more difficult than you might imagine. I could never find the opportunity to ask him without my friend standing right there (she lives there, after all), or without just walking into his room and closing the door behind me. Now THAT would have been a good impression. Perhaps enhanced if I held a gigantic knife.
Anyway, I finally just emailed him asking him for coffee, telling him that I’ve already been vetted since his cat likes me. He replied that he’d be happy to have coffee with me, but made it clear that it would not be a date. It would be a non-date. He included that in his first sentence. “Non-date.”
Well, at least he was straightforward. Maybe he read my mind that I was thinking about walking into his room with a gigantic knife.
So what to do? I’ve learned my lesson not to go on non-date, date-like situations with people I’m interested in, especially if I don’t know if they’re organ donors. So I write back and tell him he’s off the hook, and I move on to feeling really bummed.
Being turned down sucks. You’re putting yourself out there, and essentially asking for someone’s opinion of you. For their approval. It’s taking a risk, and in that moment of being turned down, I truly thought that it was not worth the risk.
So! What does this sound like to you? Why the beginnings of a scientific experiment, of course! How would my assessment of my level of risk-taking change over time? Translation: how long would it take me to get over feeling bummed? So I started the data collection:
Day 1, 8:30 a.m. Feel bummed. Totally not worth it.
I was going to keep tracking it, but at noon I realized that I hadn’t thought about it since 8:30 and I didn’t really care.
End of experiment. Conclusion: go for it.
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