How the Hell Do I Respond to This?

Okay. A few days to recover (and a lovely email exchange with Boat Boy that involved a lot of thanking and wishing of luck) and it's time to get back on that horse. Or on the wagon. Or whatever the proper metaphor is here.

So back to it. But...um...how the hell do I respond to this?

    Re: What to say...

    OK, so this is that awkward kind of thing where I sit here, stare at your profile, and wonder how the hell I’m going to capture your attention.

    I mean, I want to say something different than “I likez ur profyle,” but I don’t even know what to say. Then there’s the fear that saying too much will turn you away, but not saying enough would imply I’m too simple of a person for you to waste your time on. 

    What’s going to get your attention? Hell, am I even the kind of guy you’d reply to?

    So… maybe I should… I don’t know. Maybe…    Is this really as hard as I’m making it?

    Umm… So how ‘bout this weather?    No, no. What about…

    Oh, I got it!

    On Memorial Day weekend, when I was 25, I was really bored, and had nothing better to do. So I filled a big gas can full of slightly yellowish-brown colored water, drove to the mall parking lot, and started dumping it all over my car, in plain view, with a big cigar in my mouth.

    I thought it was Hilarious. Mall security didn’t think it was funny.

    OK, so now you’re either going to think I’m insane, or hilarious… (ponders) or desperate for attention.

    Well, you can contact me regardless, that is, if you feel like gracing me with a reply.

    Have a nice night,

I feel as if I should reward the effort, however awry the effort went. It perplexes me that people somehow think this is difficult, or there is some trick to it they they have to find. You have read an entire profile of me! You know what my interests are! Ask me about one of them!

And what if I do reply and we end up meeting for coffee? How is he going to start the conversation, by telling me what he's planning for Memorial Day weekend this year? If it involves anything in a mall parking lot I am out of there.