KTDs

The good news is my fever broke and I’m feeling much better. The bad news is that I remain a biohazard.

I came down with that highly contagious virus that has been known to sweep through cruise ships, which means I now have the power to make someone terribly ill by merely shaking their hand. In another life this could make me a secret bioterrorism weapon…like I could go shmooze with dissenting world leaders the night before a UN vote on climate change. Okay, maybe not the stuff they make action thrillers about, but that’s what I would do had I the power. As it is I’m just trying to keep my germs to myself.

But for how long are we talking, here? I asked the learned medical professional I was speaking with, “How long do I have to wait until I start kissing people again?” I suppose there could have been some less abrupt way to get at that particular bit of information, but hey, if you want a straight answer…

And the straight answer was…10 days. TEN DAYS! I felt as if I should do a public service announcement about Kissing Transmitted Diseases.

Kids, by now if you haven’t learned about STDs I’m sure your life is riddled with herpes outbreaks and treatments for Chlamydia. But are you also getting tested for Kissing Transmitted Diseases, or KTDs? KTDs are no joke. If you want that special someone to have good memories of your first romantic dinner, make sure they can keep that romantic dinner down. Please, practice safe kissing.

I needed to follow my own advice, and OF COURSE this coincides with the first time in my life that I’m dating multiple people. So I found myself flat on my back making phone calls (“I’m a biohazard,” “I’m a biohazard,” “I’m a biohazard”) to call off dates.

The gentlemen were all gentlemanly about it, and now instead of a flurry of dates I am enjoying an induced respite. It’s been lovely. I now know that if I ever need to take a week off from the dating scene and don’t want to use “I’m washing my hair” for seven days straight, I’ve got the ultimate excuse: KTD.

Kiss responsibly!