Ballroom Dancing

For the single girl, there is a spectrum of physical needs that we do not get from a relationship and must find elsewhere. Hugs from friends completely satisfy one end of that spectrum, and vibrators take care of the other. But what about that middle area? Where can a single girl get a little bit of chemistry? A physical spark or two? I go for the staged, upright variety. No, not that. I’m speaking of ballroom dancing.

Not to say I feel a spark every time I dance with someone or even that my primary reason for going dancing is to get my hands on someone. It has been a rare occurrence that I am interested in anyone that I've danced with, or even want to have a conversation with a dance partner longer than, “What’s your name again? Thanks for dancing with me!” But at the end of a night of dancing, my body doesn’t seem to know the difference between chemistry and ballroom. I have that warm glow of a sated middle of the spectrum.

And then I go get a monster crush on my ballroom dance teacher. And I do mean crush. The type where I don’t have any inclination that we would be compatible, I have no reason to think it is returned, and for all I know this guy has four kids, three wives, two husbands and a partridge in a pear tree. All I know is that he’s got that caring patience of a good teacher, he’s cute, and when he dances with me he makes me feel beautiful. Done! Crush. Wheeeeee!

After months upon months of ho-hum dates, a crush is absolutely refreshing. I’m excited to see someone. Thoughts of him linger for days after. Ed Norton gets a break from being my go-to fantasy.

And since I have to have something to worry about, here’s what I’m worried about: that he will say something that will make my crush deflate like a soufflé. I'm worried that he’ll mention a wife in a pear tree or whatever, we’ll get a chance to have a conversation that is more than a few lines and he’ll turn out to be insipid, he’ll mention that he’s on parole, etc. So newly reintroduced to the glassy-eyed grins of a crush, I’m so worried that it will all suddenly be lost that I’m avoiding speaking with him.

Oh god. What if he corners me and starts talking? Would it be allowable to say, “Could you not talk to me? I have a huge crush and you and I really don’t want you to ruin that,” and still ask for the next dance?